I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
