I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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