I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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