You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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