your thong is hanging out like whoa
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
