Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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