One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
