8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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