and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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