Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We got so high we made milksteak
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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