I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
