i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
