we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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