I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
