his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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