she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
