one might say we're banned from that church
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
