I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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