I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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