He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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