Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
