dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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