So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
