I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
