I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
