Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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