There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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