I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
