Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize