Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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