bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My vagina is officially offended.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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