so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
