perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
