the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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