i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
