I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
