i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Drunk is not a location!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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