so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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