um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize