I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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