Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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