hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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