just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was like eating out sand paper
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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