Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
