yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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