I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
