people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
