We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
