'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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