I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
