There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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