I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
