Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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