Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
