walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
