i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
