Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
