i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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