You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
