the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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