I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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