he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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