Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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