i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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