When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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