lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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