i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
