I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
