Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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