im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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