That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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