were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize