When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
