Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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