i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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