You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
