No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
