I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
