im so drunk with asians
where?
always
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize