I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
