I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
