Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
