Your face is a jimmy john
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
