So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
