Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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