Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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