dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
