I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
