I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
third nipple confirmed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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