Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize