I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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