I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
