I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
