She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
