Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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