after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
FUCK WHALES
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
