I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The Olympian is in my bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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