I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
