Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
