I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
