I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
