I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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