apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
