Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
