I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
