I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize