I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
