Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
